Dear Thomas, James, and Margot,
I was eighteen when I first picked up The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I didn’t know it then, but that book would leave a permanent mark on how I see the world and how I’ve tried to move through it ever since. I was just beginning my journey into adulthood, full of ambition and uncertainty, hungry to understand what it meant to live a good life and become someone of substance. That book gave me a framework. Some of it was practical, some of it philosophical—but one idea stood out from the rest. One idea shaped the way I’ve approached nearly everything in life: win-win thinking.
Stephen Covey describes it as a mindset rooted in mutual respect and mutual benefit. It’s not about compromise. It’s not about giving in or being overly agreeable. It’s about believing—deeply—that life doesn’t have to be a competition where someone has to lose in order for someone else to win. That concept hit me hard at eighteen. It felt like truth. And in the decades since, I’ve learned just how right it is.
You’ll hear a lot of voices in the world tell you otherwise. That winning means being first. That success means outpacing the people next to you. That if you want something, you have to take it before someone else does. You’ll be tempted by that way of thinking because it’s easy to measure. It gives you a scoreboard. It feeds the ego. But it’s not sustainable. And it’s not the kind of life I want for you.
Here’s what I’ve learned. When you make it your mission to help others succeed, when you care about the outcome for everyone involved—not just yourself—you create something powerful. You build trust. You build relationships. You build momentum that’s shared. And shared momentum, shared success, shared victory—that kind of win feels better, lasts longer, and means more.
There have been moments in my life when I had to choose. Times when I could have taken the easy win and left others behind. Times when I could have pushed my own goals forward at the expense of someone else’s. But every time I chose to widen the circle, to bring others along, to care about their outcome as much as my own, something beautiful happened. Not only did we win together, but I came away with a deeper sense of purpose. A deeper connection. A deeper pride in the journey, not just the result.
Don’t get me wrong—it’s not always easy. Sometimes you’ll pour into others and they won’t do the same for you. Sometimes your efforts to create win-win outcomes will be misunderstood or even rejected. But that’s not the point. The point is who you become by committing to this mindset. It’s about the posture you take in the world. Do you approach life with a scarcity mindset, thinking there’s only so much success to go around? Or do you believe in abundance—that when we all rise, we all win?
I want you to choose abundance. I want you to believe that you can build something great without tearing anyone else down. I want you to understand that true strength isn’t shown by how many people you can beat—it’s shown by how many people you can lift.
There’s another part of this that matters. When you operate with a win-win mindset, people notice. Over time, you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who believe in you, who trust you, who want to work with you. You’ll attract better opportunities, not because you demanded them, but because you earned them. People will remember how you made them feel. They’ll remember that you cared. That you played fair. That you had their back. And when they get their shot, they’ll bring you with them.
Of course, not everyone will share your mindset. You’ll encounter win-lose thinkers—people who see kindness as weakness, who see collaboration as a threat, who treat relationships like leverage. That’s okay. Let them play their game. You don’t have to match their energy. You can choose to stay rooted in your values, in your belief that the best kind of success is the kind that includes others.
I want you to be bold in your dreams, unapologetic in your pursuit of greatness. But I also want you to remember that greatness isn’t just what you achieve—it’s how you achieve it. It’s who you bring with you. It’s the wake you leave behind. And if you get to the top but look around and find yourself alone, I promise you, it won’t feel like a win.
So build the kind of life where you don’t have to choose between your success and someone else’s. Build a life where your success is someone else’s. Create wins that are shared, and you’ll find yourself surrounded by people who want to see you thrive. That’s the magic of it. That’s the reward.
I hope you read The 7 Habits one day. I hope you find your own truths in its pages. But more than anything, I hope you live the principle of win-win—not because it’s easy, but because it’s right. It’s the kind of thinking that made me who I am, and I believe it will serve you for the rest of your lives.
With all my love and belief in you,
Dad
If today’s letter resonated—if it reminded you that you don’t have to win alone—I’d love to hear about it. These letters are written for my kids, but I hope they carry meaning for you, too.
This week’s reflection is a reminder that greatness is never a solo act. It’s not just what you build—it’s how you build it, who you lift along the way, and what kind of world you shape through your success.
New episodes drop most weekdays, and I share a new letter every Monday. So if you’re not already subscribed, take a second to do that on Substack, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.
Until next time—lead with heart, compete with grace, and build a life that feels like a win for everyone it touches.
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